Millions of centuries ago, before you were alive, before I was alive and even before the Energizer bunny started going and going, floating deep in the vastness of space, there was a bubbling pool of gases and liquid. A lifeless mass of superhot matter, similar to GoldStar chili but without the spaghetti, this pool churned and boiled for countless millenniums. Suddenly, without warning, from the depths of the scalding pool there emerged: a two-by-four.
The two-by-four tumbled aimlessly through the blackness of space for millions of years until it eventually collided with another two-by-four. As the two planks tumbled along together, they evolved "nails" between them which allowed the boards to fuse together, forming the universe's first simple structure. While this structure was not a house itself, it was the basic building block of all structures known to mankind.
The two connected planks eventually, over the course of a few million years, crashed through the atmosphere of an inhabitable planet, fell through the sky and landed in the branches of a sturdy tree. What are the odds, you say, of a habitable planet being directly in the path of our neophyte house structure? It boggles the mind doesn't it? Had the boards been traveling a fraction of an inch in a different direction, or the planet been revolving at a slightly different speed, we would never have split-level, 3-bedroom with attached garage condominiums. Centuries of jostling within the branches of the tree threatened to dislodge the planks, so the planks evolved into larger, flatter boards which sat more securely in the tree roost. This became history's first "floor". Taking up more surface area, the floor was now suited to collect other planks that fell from the sky.
Various sizes and shapes of planks continued to plummet to the ground. Natural selection allowed only the straightest and healthiest boards to stay on the floor while the unsuitable planks toppled to the ground where they were washed away. As the boards piled up on the floor, tree branches, driven by the wind, slowly worked them into standing positions. Nails continued to evolve and fuse the boards, upright, to the floor. When the floor and wall assembly became too heavy, it dropped out of the tree to the ground.
The wind drove insulation material against the house and a 97% efficient gas furnace tumbled in through the front doorway. Aluminum siding, roofing material and shutters collected on the walls and formed a barrier to protect the interior of the structure. As time went by, houses would develop vinyl siding to replace the aluminum. This phenomena is called "adaptation" and accounts for such things as indoor plumbing, central air-conditioning and Longaberger Baskets. Mother Nature allowed the building to evolve rain gutters, a chimney and even a nicely paved driveway. (NOTE: Automobiles were not evolved yet, but Nature knew the house would need a driveway anyway.)
Inside the building, paint ran down the walls and carpeting formed from pieces of fiber blown in through the open windows. The finishing trim took the longest to evolve, but the finish work always takes the longest, doesn't it? When the last piece of trim fastened itself into place, the outlet covers and curtain material dropped into place. Doors and windows fitted themselves into the appropriate openings and the sky rained calking material to seal up the seams.
I am sure that's how my house came into being. I have decided to become a Constructional-Atheistic-Realty-Person or "CARP". CARPs believe that all buildings and structures are the result of natural occurrences. Honestly, with a reasonable explanation like the one given above, why would anyone believe in a "builder"?
